rachelatarms (rachelatarms) wrote,

A Deep Want

Ah, love and want. Two components of however many romance novels, these things can provide a layer of tension to any storyline! So when I say that I both feel a deep love and a deep want, you'd think there would be a lot of awesome dramatic tension floating around my cranial unit.

Alas, however, my love is for my story (=CM) and my want is to share the story with others. So while my entire relationship with The WIP is tense, it's not the kind of tension that people are just dying to read about. 

So I'll try to keep the amount of ANGST ANGST ANGSTY MCANGSTER to a minimum. 

The simple fact of the matter is that I love CM deeply. It's the first project I've attacked from a professional perspective—that is, with the idea that since I want to do this for real someday, I might as well act like I'm doing it "for real" now—and with clear, constant attention to plotting, tension/conflict, making every scene matter, etc. The sorts of things I've read about for years, really, but only tried to implement consistently now. It appears I'm improving, anyway; the people test-reading my first draft (read: family, and I adamantly emphasize that they are not coddlers or a built-in fan base—hi, Mom!) have said it's hooking them and decent enough. There's plenty to fix in edits, of course, and then I have to find critique partners and/or beta readers, and sometimes THERE IS JUST SO MUCH WORK MY HEAD WANTS TO EXPLODE. 

But ultimately—when it really comes down to it—I love this story. I love it so much. I want to make it as shiny as it can be, and I want for other people to love it as much as I do. It's a weird little beast—can't decide quite what it wants to be—but I love it, believe in it, and pray that others will as well. Ultimately, that's why I'd love to be A Real Author (TM)—stories are wonderful things, all strangeness and beauty wrapped up in a magic box. The thought of being able to share mine and have people actually like them is odd and wondrous all at once. It's terrifying and exhilarating, and I can hardly wait. 

...and I must wait. 

Now I'm waiting to finish my first draft. Then, assuming I don't have to redraft it, I will have to wait to edit it multiple times on my own and with CPs, and then wait while I write a synopsis and a query and then the actual querying process and I'MGONNADIE other things of that nature. 

But I have to wait, because this is worth waiting for. Sure, I'd love for CM to need only minimal editing and then hook the perfect agent within a few months, and then have the perfect editor fall in love with it in turn—but realistically, I will almost certainly have to wait for a very long time. 

I don't want to, but I must. 

Because I love it, and I want you to love it as well. 
Tags: cuddle monsters, fiction, writing

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